Let's Talk Theory of Mind
There’s a report I used to hold in very high regard called ‘Autistic People Don’t Lack Theory of Mind,’ in which they conclude, “that the claim that autistic people lack a theory of mind is empirically questionable and societally harmful,” (Gernsbacher and Yergeau, 2019). I used to care quite a lot about this paper, especially in my child development classes when it would come up and we would touch on the concept of Theory of Mind. Ultimately, Autistic people would always come up too and I would have this paper locked and loaded, ready to explain that actually, Autistic people can have theory of mind, it was the tests that were faulty. Now, the truth is, I don’t care about that paper.
It’s not that I think the paper is wrong. It’s just that I don’t care if it’s right.
My reasoning is simple: Autistic people are worthy of love, acceptance, care, and support whether we lack Theory of Mind or not, and so often tests of Theory of Mind are used to deny us that. Recently, a tumblr post by birdofmay has me thinking about this again.
I want to first give a nod to the original paper. It takes a tricky, long debated topic, and attempts to humanize Autistic people who have been so brutally dehumanized for so long. I thank them for their efforts in that area and appreciate that experts in the field are beginning to realize where and exactly how severely we have disserved Autistic people. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. Not quite.
Ultimately, here’s the thing- the results of whether Autistic people have Theory of Mind doesn’t matter because Theory of Mind doesn’t prove Autistic people don’t have empathy, and even if it did Autistic people are still worthy of love and care whether they can empathize or not. If we think of empathy as the ability to understand other people’s emotions then we can also think of the fact that understanding is an internal process, not an external action. Our external actions do not entirely rely on our internal processes and you can be a caring person without having the internal process of empathy. You can learn to be caring, even if you do not understand how someone feels. Ultimately, empathy is not the end all be all to being a human. You can be a kind, caring person without empathy.
But here’s another truth: even if you are a cruel, uncaring person who does bad things, you still deserve care and support. If you lack Theory of Mind, if you lack empathy, if you lack kindness, you still deserve support, acceptance, care, and love. These things should not be denied to you, nor any human. It is unjust to deny these things.
A test of Theory of Mind should never be used to determine someone being ‘lesser’ or ‘more’ developed. It should be used to reference and frame different forms of development, and base strategies and support off it. We can build support for students who might think people can ‘read their minds’ or otherwise understand their thoughts without expecting them to grow out of it or call it a failure. Instead we can scaffold and build tools. We can plan and build in reminders.
What could that look like?
Well, it’s already happening to some degree as people pick up on these needs but we can take a more direct approach. We could see a future with Autistic children that directly addresses that people don’t know what they’re thinking, plainly tells them this, and reminds them of these facts non-judgmentally. Then we can build a toolbox of skills of what to do, of how to inform others of thoughts and feelings to get the support they need. Because Theory of Mind isn’t just ‘Brother knows where Sally hid the ball even though he wasn’t in the room.’ It’s more tangible things like, “Oh right, I assumed you’d know I moved the keys from the table to the shelf. It just didn’t occur to me that I’d have to tell you, somehow I thought you’d just magically know,” like birdofmay says (2026). It’s real life day to day and we can prepare the youth of tomorrow for it.
We- us Autistics- will still struggle inevitably, as is the reality with not understanding a concept, but in turn we- us practitioners- can be understanding and not see Theory of Mind as a moral failing. Practitioners can not view Autistics as less than, but as different, and support future learning. Practitioners can dismiss little things that occur that don’t matter, and not drill the lesson in too hard and force us to become naturals, because that isn’t fair either. This is Autistic’s second language. We practitioners want to increase comprehension for Autistic people, to make it easier for us Autistics to communicate with others, not to make it painful for us Autistics to remember and learn. This should be a tool for us Autistics, an access point. Teach it that way.
Citations
Gernsbacher, M. A., & Yergeau, M. (2019). Empirical Failures of the Claim That Autistic People Lack a Theory of Mind. Archives of scientific psychology, 7(1), 102–118. https://doi.org/10.1037/arc0000067
birdofmay. (2026, Feb 7). Yes, some autistics definitely have theory of mind, but don’t exclude those of us who struggle with it, stop generalising [General post]. Tumblr. https://www.tumblr.com/birdofmay/807895391370674177/yes-some-autistics-definitely-have-theory-of
Originally posted on substack 2/15/2026. link.
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